Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We have started to decorate penises.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
