I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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