I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
