I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
