Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
