I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
