So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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