I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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