Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
