Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
