I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
