True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
