The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
