stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
