Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im holly from the hills drunk
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
