I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
