And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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