Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
