I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
