I must be too annoying 4 u.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
