Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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