I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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