haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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