No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
