turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
