She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
