Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my shit smells like andre
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
