Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
