Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
