i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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