I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
