So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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