i jhust puked up my retainher.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
