Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
