I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
