I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize