I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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