I'm lost and stupid without you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
