i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
And then he peed in my hair
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