I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
