i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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