yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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