Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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