Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
