I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
