Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize