Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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