so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
