i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize