worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize