after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
