Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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