i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
