So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
