You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize