Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
