I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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