I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize