so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
