i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
