Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My life is pants optional.
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