I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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