i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
