I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
