Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
