i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
