i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
