nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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