we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
