Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
