So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize