I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
