i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
