im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize